On Habits

My Dad is a smoker. He has been for almost my entire life and further beyond that. It is very difficult for me to understand because I never adopted that habit and never will adopt that habit. It's not as if he doesn't know the dangers of smoking; I've warned him about the hazards, health or financial. Yet, he persists...why? Even after trying to so hard to quit, he persists. I just don't see the utility he gets out of staying in the habit. Worse, this particular habit perpetuates itself. The act of quitting creates the manifestation of even stronger desire; the longer you are off of it, the stronger the desire the gets, ultimately leading to frustration and anger, which I've been a witness to. It's a vicious cycle. If he relapses, smoking doesn't actually relieve anything, it supposedly causes even more stress. Smoking...hard for me to understand, but looking at it from a simple addiction point of view, I can get it.

I am an Internet User. It wasn't so bad when the computer by which to connect to the Internet was shared by my family, but I eventually got my own personal computer four years ago. Unimpeded, my Internet use skyrocketed. It wasn't even just that, I believe the Internet only just started getting interesting in recent years. There have been days recently and in the past in which I have spent good portions of the day completely on the Internet. I have had this endless search for more original content and viewing content that I enjoyed, over and over. It never ends and I don't really get any utility out of it at all. Most of the content doesn't even stick; I just read it and it vanishes from my mind almost instantaneously. For what reasons do I continue to engage in an activity that is by all means classified as a useless expenditure of time? Why do I continue despite being aware of my Internet problem?

These two addictions are not all that unrelated. Okay, okay, smoking does have actual physiological effects on the human body due to the involvement of chemicals like Nicotine, but they're both addictions nevertheless. The issue here is that you dig yourself a hole or rather, a trench; it starts out really small. In the beginning, I had a limitation on my Internet use since the computer was shared, so I'm not interested in that part. I am interested in when I got my own computer. Back then, I don't think I browsed the Internet all too much; however, little by little, day by day, my Internet use grew. It started out as a small hole that probably couldn't really be seen by the naked eye, but it got bigger, bigger, and bigger still. 

Now, at some point I stop my efforts and look up. First natural (and obvious) question, "How did I get all the way down here?" And then, "How did I not even notice that I had gotten all the way down here?" It always starts out small and maybe you don't realize there is a problem with the activity in question. Is there a way out? Of course there is, but how do you change the fact that you are in a big hole? It will take just as long, if not longer, to completely fill the hole all over again. Worse yet, before you can start filling the hole you have to climb out. 

Climbing out is difficult, more difficult than you can imagine. How deep are you? You have to get all the way out before you can start filling. Define, "All the way out." Well, how far away is the light? That far. The first couple of days you might say to yourself, "Hey, this isn't so bad! I don't need to be down there digging anymore! I can do this!" You continue climbing, but then you say, "What was so wrong with what I was doing? There must have been some reason I was all the way down there. Maybe I'll just take a little peek at my old ways, just a little peek that's all." Just like that, you lose your grip and you fall the entire way down. When you regain consciousness, do you see your climb and continue at it? Or do you take the defeatist route and start digging again? I'm sad to say that I think the defeatist route has higher odds. Back down at the bottom you mutter all sorts of justifications, "Everyone has something, why can't I? It's just who I am, I can't change it. Why not keep browsing the Internet? What harm was it doing anyways?"

At some point, you will look up again and you are down even further. The climb becomes all that much longer. If you make it to the surface, you still will face the risk of falling back in. An opening like that tends to be inviting. The hole remains as you fill it in and will remain a dauntingly large hole until it is almost completely filled. 

This entire process of kicking and truly defeating a habit can take a long time, perhaps years long. For some, they will need help and encouragement from friends and families. For others, it may take their own independent strength to free themselves. It is all up to the individual. The thing that matters is giving every effort to get out of the habit and not giving up when you fail. We aren't perfect climbers, you will probably fall multiple times, but you have to dust yourself off and start again. 

The logic of the hole works the other way, too: if you tried to climb out once, there must be some good reason for why you tried to climb out. If you stand strong by your reasoning, you can get out of any hole that you dig. There is no hole too deep. Recognizing the hole is an important first step. Getting out is easier the earlier you recognize your problem, but you can still get out. You just have to keep trying and never resume digging like you once did. I know if I truly try, I can free myself from my current Internet usage patterns. I know if my Dad truly tries, he can quit smoking. There is absolutely, positively no hole that is too deep.

I'm not condemning all habits however. There are some holes that are good. The way you know it is a good hole is if it is hard to dig and easy to fill. These holes take recognition too. The recognition that, "I need to be in this hole. I need to be in this habit." If you discover a hole like this, don't stop digging and don't even think about climbing out. Eventually, there won't be any issue about climbing out and you'll want to keep digging. 

Still, you must recognize that like all things in life: some habits are good, some habits are bad. If you can distinguish between the two, then you will lead a much happier life.

To all those who are in some kind of bad hole: You can get out! You have to believe with all of your strength and heart that you can! You will get out! Never give up!